


... but i do, and will still love you with my mind, heart and body

by antierotic



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Jealous, Rough Sex, Voyeurism, make-up sex, possessive, post breakup sex, strap on, sub-dom, very smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-05 00:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3098552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antierotic/pseuds/antierotic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla have broken up a few times (but you know they always get back together).</p><p> </p><p>1. A fic about one of the bad fights and a bad attempt at getting over each other and then messily getting back together with good ol' rough, possessive, dominating vampire sex.</p><p>2. The girls given to Lophiiformes start manifesting on the Silas campus after the battle. Summer Society takes responsibility for re-educating a dozen centennial sacrificial virgins, but Elle also makes an appearance... Carmilla and Laura sexually flare up after Laura's hasty decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You and her have had your fair share of big arguments.

 

It probably would have been naïve of you to think that you’d start your fairy-tale romance without a hitch. In fact, you always knew Carmilla was her own complicated person with centuries worth the emotional baggage and hang-ups. So paired with you, the obstinate, hard-headed (you prefer “tenacious”) and maybe sometimes stubborn girl you can be sometimes, it should have been easy to predict some conflict.

 

It was not as easy to guess how many times you would fall apart from each other, and even more difficult to tell how inevitable it was to come back together.

 

Books, movies, stories always portray those beautiful love stories as eternal and perpetually blissful. But loving her is turbulent, and there is no other way it can be done.

 

The first time you broke up was in the middle of the night, in a groggy dorm room, partially drunken and exhausted. The witching hours swirled your mind along with the small amount of cheap beer supplied by enthusiastic “dudebro” Zetas, and at that point, you were wondering what possessed you to drag Carmilla to the party in the first place. The two of you had already been on iffy terms, since she was not warming up to socializing with your friends as much as you’d hoped. This was probably what led you to drink a bit more than you should have, but she was courteous enough to help you back to your room.

 

Preserving your dignity, you made her help you by allowing your arm over her shoulder instead of her suggested bridal-style carry. You stumbled in, grumbling, while she was silent.

 

“What is _with_ you?” Carmilla responded as you snatched your arm back, falling onto your bed while facing away.

 

“ _You,_ Carmilla,” you looked up, finally reaching a breaking point. “You promised you’d try a bit harder, but you just stuck to brooding and ignoring everyone the whole time!” Once it started spilling out, you couldn’t stop. “What does it take to impress you? Are us mortals just not _interesting_ enough for you or something?”

 

Her eyes widened a bit at your outburst, but now that you had her attention, you kept blurting out your feelings harshly. “I don’t get it—if you’re just gonna be above us the whole time, why bother coming around at all?”

 

_I want you to act like you want to be around me I want you to enjoy things with me_.

 

“Are you just like, not _capable_ of relating?” The tone you used implied it was rhetorical. When Carmilla finally regained her footing, her brow furrowed angrily, defensive.

 

“Not capable, huh?” You expected her to blow up right back, but then her twisted face softened to a sorrowful and guilty stare that fell to the floor.

 

“You know what, maybe you just don’t get it. Maybe I was stupid for thinking you ever would get it. Just another naïve provincial girl trying to change a vampire for her own cheap and idealized romance. Huh. And _I_ thought I _hated_ clichés.”

 

You ran out of steam, and suddenly it was a big and cold room. Her shoulders fell, features clenched. You are a child; you want people to hurt and pay and feel guilty for being wrong because she _promised_ and if she didn’t come through for you that just proves she didn’t love you, didn’t it?

 

It was still silent. The room was beginning to spin ever so slightly. Nauseating. “ _Well?”_ was what gave it the last push. Carmilla can be like a statue sometimes. Her body is like marble; she’s powerful and indestructible. Just like a Greek work of art, she last centuries, only weathering the gradual damage of her mind and soul. It doesn’t matter what she does. Every action is beautiful. The bad part of you likes to be the only thing in the world with the vice grip on her heart. But whatever satisfaction sadism would give you, it’s wasn’t making you feel any better.

 

“No, you’re right, Laura.”

 

Danny took your mind off of your pouting girlfriend that night, telling you everything would be just fine if you communicated, and that you deserved what you needed.

 

Now your breath is caught.

 

“God, I know I’m selfish…” She looks up and continues, not a drop of malice, “But you’re right, I just _don’t._ ” Her face is genuine, honest. “I don’t understand Zetas. I don’t understand drinking that crap. I don’t really get pop culture references. Even after decades, I never will.” A weak laugh.

 

The bed creaks with your accidental shift in weight.

 

“I really tried to get it. I really do love you.”

 

“Mortals don’t belong with things like me. I was selfish because I ignored that rule, knowing it would hurt you in the end.”

 

The end.

 

“But if you really just wanted with that insufferable giant, you didn’t have to come up with such elaborate efforts.”

 

You were off of the bed at that, almost chest to chest. They once called you brave for never standing down to a vampire, but then they just ended up calling the vampire cowardly. “Don’t try and make this about Danny.”

 

This time, she wasn’t backing off either. Sharply but surely, “Well, whatever you really want, _I_ obviously don’t have it.”

 

It stung.

 

“Well even with her personal vendetta against the Zetas she still made a _visible attempt.”_ You supposed Carmilla made her own conclusion as to what that meant.

 

Attempt to get back with you, win your affections?

 

“Yeah, yeah. We all knew it’d come to this. I relent—you want the excuse to run off to her? Be my guest. Please, don’t humiliate me with your pity. Seriously, get off your high horse, Laura. You’re still the little kid that walks around lecturing the bad guys but you can’t just tell me how you really feel to my face.” Her eyes were fixed squarely on yours, and you felt like you were shrinking. “Your invaluable human experience won’t be weighed down by me, cupcake.”

 

Her unchanged expression, and stable voice made you feel like she’d been expecting that argument that whole time. Now she became an endlessly eighteen year old weighed by millennia. Then she was leaving. Calmly turning, she collected a jacket and a bent to scoop the duffel bag from under the bed.

 

“Wait—no. You’re not walking out on me like this—“ Why do you still sound angry? Why do you still think you’re right? Chests are pressed together as you block her exit.

 

Dropping the bag, her hands seized your upper arms, pulling you close, sending a bolt of electricity down your body. No matter how many times you hated being possessed, there might have been countless times you came easily by being demonstrated Carmilla’s supernatural strength. Being pounded and flipped around, prey to her animalistic craving: it was addicting. God, that moment when you belted out all your anger that veiled your insecurity so poorly… The energy was channeling down to the jewel of your body.

 

Just like vampires could, Carmilla was stunned in her place by your spike of arousal. Momentarily, her dark expression was permeated by her deep growl. You inhaled deeply, running your palms roughly over her shoulders, “Please, baby—“

 

“No, _no,”_ she flinched back, shaking her head with hands threading through hair. “I can’t do this to you. It’s not gonna work. I’m sorry, Laura. I really am. God, I am an idiot.” And though you tried reaching to claw at her shirt, she was gone.

 

/

 

 

She wasn’t back in the morning. She wasn’t back the next evening.

 

You waited up, nursing a shitty hangover and broken heart. She _had_ to come back eventually. There wasn’t even a real conversation, only a heated argument that you didn’t even really understand. Carmilla lived with you. She wouldn’t leave you just like that.

 

There was the fact that there were plenty of places on the entire planet that she could retreat to if she wanted to. There were thousands of people she could fall back on; maybe hundreds of pretty girls that would offer themselves to her (hundreds that were kinder and more beautiful than you).

 

Deep down, you knew about Carmilla’s insecurities about being a paranormal creature dating a human. This was the perfect storm that gave her the motivation to leave and somehow grant you the regular life you deserved. No longer are you plagued by death and evil, but you get the easy honesty of growing old with the one you love, watching your children get older as well. She wanted you to be with someone who would have the drinking college phase with you, the desperate early-twenties, the stable adulthood transition with you. Carmilla could never really see something for the first time with you.

 

She finally dumped the naïve, persistent, relentless provincial girl that could never fathom the heaviness that is centuries of existence. God—you _really_ bothered someone with demigod-like abilities with a _Zeta_ frat party in the first place. Maybe she really did need someone on her own tier; one that you could never reach.

 

Every hour she was absent made you fall apart more and more. Some crying (a lot of crying).

 

And then a week passed and you must’ve called her useless fucking cell phone around an embarrassing 67 times.

 

And then two weeks passed and you must’ve texted her about 23 times.

 

**I’m sorry. Just come back and we can figure it out.**

**I didn’t mean it.**

**I love you.**

**Don’t disappear on me, you useless vampire.**

Your friends tried comforting you as best as they could. It didn’t mean shit to try and focus on the semester at all. The other bed was so goddamn obvious and untouched and empty.

 

The third week of her absence arrived, and you’re depressed and forlorn and you know it’s your fault. Your sorrows change to spite after long enough—you don’t want to keep feeling pathetic and thrown away, so yeah, you go ahead and get back out there.

 

Danny smiled when you finally came around to going outside that goddamned room. Especially with her, just the two of you, outside getting some coffee. Almost like a date.

 

“You know, I’m really sorry about that Laura—but I know you could do way better. I mean, she was just inherently… _different._ Who knows really all the things she’s done to girls just like you.” She took a sip of her latte as you sat facing each other in the bustling shop, hands waving with every inflection. “No matter how many times you told me not to worry, I was always thinking of her being in your room, with no one around. Cmon, Carmilla has killed people without a second thought.”

 

It was true that Carmilla would always have a history of evil and murder that would always be beyond you. But how could it have been the same person who hurriedly scooped silverfish out of the shower for you when you frantically shrieked for help? Or the person who lifted you up by the hips so you could change a light bulb? At first, Carmilla was the girl who would show affection by silently throwing snacks on your bed when she got home at ungodly hours or would make your day when you woke up to a small, humble bouquet of flowers beside your pillow.

 

So when Danny stared at you and awaited your response, no matter how angry you were, you couldn’t agree. You were inherently different people, but not because of mortality or vampirism.

 

“I don’t think a lot of people saw her the way I was able to,” you looked down and fiddled with the plastic lid of your cup. When you shifted your gaze to the background of the café, you noticed a shift in a dark figure amongst the busy crowd. A lace-clad arm was turning over the leaves of a newspaper slowly in a booth behind Danny. She was reading alone, not facing you, and your heart thundered.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay these days, Hollis?” Danny waved a hand before your face to catch your attention, and you fumbled to normal.

 

“Yeah! You know, I’m much better than I’ve been in a long time,” you feigned a laugh, a bit loudly, eyes focusing back and forth between the two.

 

Danny brushed your weirdness off, extending a hand to rest it on your wrist. Her boldness struck you. “Listen, Laura, I— What I wanted to tell you, well I really think you deserve someone who will really give you a hundred percent. And I know you’re in a bad place but… you can always count on me to be there for you.” She was earnest, gleaming that white knight smile at you. You look back to Carmilla’s booth for a split second, and note the way she clenched the pages of her newspaper, tightly in her fist. You were being comforted, but in the end, somehow you just felt sick.

 

“And I know it’s fucked up to bring up now, but I’ve got to be honest. I think what we had could have actually been something, and I don’t want to let that go without knowing for sure. We weren’t on the same page at the time… but you know, second time around?”

 

Why are you listening but looking at that leather-cuffed arm hastily fold that newspaper instead of look Danny in the eye?

 

“I… I have to use the bathroom.”

 

 

/

 

She was already in the bathroom by the time you entered.

 

“Tell me you weren’t following us.” Your voice was shaky. This wasn’t the first thing you planned to say to her after waiting all these weeks, but somehow, it came out.

 

“My back was to you.” Her voice was so empty and disaffected. As she her gaze was focused away, it was like she was just waiting for you to finish scolding her or something. Heat was rising. Then you were closer.

 

“That wasn’t what I asked you.”

 

“You didn’t ask me anything.”

 

You held your face down in your palms, the frustration bringing you close to tears.

 

“Fuck you, Carmilla.” The choking commenced, “How dare you, without even listening to me. Without coming back. Not answering me… Really, _fuck_ you.”

 

“Me?” You weren’t looking, but fingers softly glided up your arms. Then you were breathing the same air. When you felt that touch, you only felt comfort, safety. Even then. “I’m just the one that accidentally caught you on your date.”

 

“Oh really? Is that all I have to do to get your attention after an argument? Fuck other people?” you looked up, abruptly. Her poker face just held you still, stroking your body gently and lovingly. Like quelling a child in a tantrum. “God, don’t you miss me?” Because you couldn’t even imagine making Carmilla so much as take her hands off of you. Tears finally welled up.

 

Her expression went gentler, a touch more forlorn as her fist came up to your face, brushing your cheeks with her knuckles.

 

“I would much sooner stop stalking my little human, than not miss her everyday.”

 

Then all you felt was heat. Your eyes were locked, closer and closer and fuck, didn’t you just want her to crash this date for you, so you could just entwine once again, the only way you know how to be. The only way you want to be. Your back pressed against the wall, Carmilla’s heavy presence was never ignorable. If there were ever a grain of her somewhere deep down that would do anything for you, you’d find it, and twist it so she would never disappear again. You swore it.

 

It felt swelteringly red. Scorching hot heat.

 

“Gonna keep Ginger Giant waiting?”

 

You figured one of the two of you will be left alone in the bathroom, thinking about the other. So you lean up and kiss her, before sliding out quietly, making sure that person wouldn’t be you.

 

/

 

After your date, Danny walked you back to your room, as gallant as ever. Arm around your shoulder, you were too lost in thought to even attempt to reciprocate the affections. When you returned from the restroom, she asked if you were sick. Not knowing how you could carry on even more forced lighthearted banter, you two concluded the get-together.

 

At your door, she handed you back your backpack, and reinstated her romantic offer.

 

“Danny… You’re a great girl, and I know what we had but—“

 

“I know, Laura,” she winked with a sad smile before turning to go. “But if you need me, I’ll be waiting.”

 

Shutting the door with a sigh, you made your way over to your former roommate’s side of the room lazily. Like a daily routine you rifled through some things, hoping for a sign that Carmilla returned to maybe retrieve something, or leave something for you. A futile hope, but it passed the time. Then you’d place all of it back, exactly how it was originally. This time you happened upon that bag of…intimate objects that you and your (girlfriend?) ex-girlfriend shared. More accurately, they all belonged to her. Bitterly, you defined them as all the little toys Carmilla used to appease and satisfy unsuspecting sacrificial victims and study buddies, but you couldn’t deny the unadulterated pleasure you experienced with them as well. A pang of regret, and electric frustration coursed through you.

 

_A shiver, a look of surprise. She laughed at you._

_What? Cupcake, you act like you’ve never seen a vibrator before._

 

_I haven’t…_

_She gaped._

_What about this?_

_N-No, I’ve never seen a… A, uh…_

_Dildo, sweetheart, it’s called a dildo. Christ, and you’ve been doing_ what _with yourself down there all this time?_

She blew your mind that night.

 

In all sorts of ways, shapes, sizes, touches, positions, Carmilla has known the body of a woman like the back of her hand for centuries. She knew how to exploit every fantasy and fetish until you were a quivering mess. She was your very first, and would always be your very best. What was different between you and study buddies was the _love;_ it led Carmilla to want to shatter you with every orgasm – one after the other. Supernatural endurance had her patiently awaiting your recovery, until she could service you till it absolutely stung.

 

Carmilla could see right through you and your headstrong independence act during sex, and fucked you – really _fucked_ you like you belonged to her. It drove you crazy. Feminist, liberated individual you were; one that savored the passion and objectification of being ravished by a bloodthirsty beast, over and over again. And when she introduced you to the new world of adult toys, the big bad vampire-plowing-you-senseless act quickly became an all time favorite (self-identified lesbian of course, but you needed Carmilla to need you, want you, and _take_ you in the most brutal, boundless and _intrusive_ ways).

 

You tried to shift your focus away from your tightening center, moving away from the open collection, to the computer. The computer was opened to the camera, to which you decided to browse through old footage, maybe to catch up on some editing. Dejectedly, you perused the old recordings.

 

Incidentally, a video came up that bore proof to a dark figure in your room, a few days before, hovering over your sleeping form. Because of you staying up so frequently, waiting for the girl, it made sense that your exhaustion kept you from being disturbed by Carmilla, stroking your hair as you slept. Excitement coiled inside your stomach.

 

“Finally caught me, huh?”

 

You flicked back to the recording mode of your webcam, trying to hide the evidence. However, it just meant that you were staring right at the vampire behind you, gazing at your screen instead of turning around.

 

Carmilla appeared with her usual air of confidence and sarcasm – the atmosphere wasn’t there when they met in the café bathroom. She trailed a curious finger through the open duffel bag left open on her bed with an amused expression.

 

“Feeling nostalgic, cupcake?”

 

You whipped around, clamoring to your feet to face her. The heat was rising again, painfully obvious now. You were indeed reminiscing the way you shouldn’t have; embarrassingly enough, she caught you, longing for that unforgiving touch. More importantly, that arrogant disposition must’ve come from the fact that you came from a date with her rival, but yet you were still pining over Carmilla.

 

“You never left at all.”

 

She gave a devilish smile, and you wanted her to bare those pearly fangs and devour you. She knew it.

 

“How can I make it up to you, Laura?”

 

You swallowed, anticipation building tension, it was flooding the room yet again.

 

Then she leaned down and kissed you hard – inhaling your sweet human warmth. You could sense her hunger for you. Carmilla could be a primal creature, distracted by your heartbeat, entranced by your body’s nectar. Like an animal, hearing your whimpers spurred her on. Regaining your mental composure, you knew you could get the upper hand with a few choice moves. Sometimes you liked the competition of sex like a game, where the reward would become even more ultimately appreciated.

 

Expressing your resentment, trying to exploit an apology, you turned your face from her passionate lips. She gave a needy huff and tried to follow your mouth, but to no avail. Carmilla responded by dropping to her knees and pawing at the zipper of your pants.

 

“Should I beg and plead like a good girl for you?” Carmilla awaited your slight nod before sliding the denim down, around your ankles, kissing your knees and thighs submissively.

 

“Danny was all over me today, Carm,” you breathed, chest heaving. “Didn’t you see for yourself? Can’t you sense her on me?” Oh god, those lips nipped gently at the band of your underwear.

 

At that, she slid to her feet, nails dragging from the back of your calf, “Or should I just,” _achingly_ to the small of your back, “ _claim_ you again, kitten?” The scrape of her claws up your body had you arching into her chest with an audible gasp. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? Laura Hollis, journalist extraordinaire, wants to be thoroughly pounded and fucked on camera for a date with someone else?” That was it. She knew exactly what to say to make your world shrink to these moments of guilty, carnal bliss. But the camera wasn’t part of your plan – that was her own element of edginess that really had you throbbing for contact.

 

_I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel._

_Her fingers were absently trailing up the length of your bare spine, then back down, then up again. You lay on her chest as she held a book above your heads._

_You already do, darling._

_That’s impossible._

_A pause,_

_Can I ask you to try something? I’m not crazy, or drunk. I’m just really…_

_Spit it out, cupcake._

_Touch me like one of your victims. The way they liked it._

Easily picking you up with one arm, she tossed you onto her bed. It was her territory. Your weight bounced the black, foreboding bag beside you. You looked at her predatory expression mixed with elements of disaffection, and it got you _on_. Tactlessly pushing your shirt above your breasts, she palmed them roughly while kissing you hard and grinding down on your half naked body. The unsatisfying amount of pressure had you whine into her mouth.

 

 And then she leaned back and straightened up. Carmilla didn’t look away from you as she stripped down to her lavish lace undergarments, slowly and steadily. Then, she reached beside you, and pulled back with one of your favorite toys in hand. Anticipation began to build harder in the apex of your thighs as she strapped on that length that made you cry out and tremble in ecstasy many times before.

“Are you wet enough for me, Hollis?”

 

You shut your eyes tightly and nodded, wondering if vampires could sense your pulsing. The shame of the question channeled to all the perfect places, and all you could do was want, not think.

 

And suddenly, you felt your thighs being pushed up strongly to your chest as Carmilla deeply shoved her way inside you, bumping against _all of_ the aching sensitivity. The noises you made spurred her on, as she greedily pumped at a deliciously aggressive pace. Holding your knees to your breasts, you loved Carmilla lustfully— _angrily—_ claiming all of you. Primal hunger had the frame of the bed knocking against the wall, and the springs squeaking in time to your breathless gasps.

 

But it wasn’t enough for her—she reached under you and flipped you onto your stomach, reaching down to lift your hips up. Your ears were surrounded by the rhythm of the clapping of your ass against her stomach. Wetness enhanced the slick sounds that increased in volume, along with your voice.

 

A crack of a slap against your backside, along with a strong, deep plunge made you choke out a thick sob. You fisted your sheets in your fingers, pressing your face down in a captured pillow. She was taking you, hard. Oh, she should have taught you this lesson in the middle of the café—in the bathroom, on the table, in front of Danny, in front of the whole crowd of customers. The way she was making you feel, Carmilla could have convinced to do anything.

 

The way you were reaching must’ve had Carmilla reaching just like you, because you could sense her losing some control, and you loved it. She couldn’t fucking _stand_ seeing you with someone else, even when she tried to act all heroic and unimpressed. You tried to muffle your cries with the pillow under you, until Carmilla gruffly took a handful of your hair and tugged you back up, thrusting particularly hard onto your G-spot—your yelps became audible.

 

“Don’t try and act all shy now, darling,” she purred, like the vicious plowing she was performing was no work at all. “I know exactly what you like. I’m gonna make you remember,” her hand came down to turn your chin back towards her, “you belong to me.”

 

Oh god, you quivered and throbbed into a vice grip around Carmilla’s length, arching your back to give her better access. You couldn’t even pant without your weak little moans dancing around the room. Placing a hand over her grip on your hips, she practically growled. Like the elusive panther she was at heart.

 

You were on all fours on the bed; she shifted her grip to the backs of your knees, pushing your thighs to your breasts again tightly before pulling you _up_ to her chest, effortlessly. As if you were the weight of a rag-doll, Carmilla’s shaft never ceased in spearing you fervently, even when she was lifting and holding you in place against her chest. This unpredicted display of strength had you squeal in surprise for a moment. Your mind was hazy and clouded with heavy arousal – you couldn’t tell what she was up to next, but that was one of the best parts.

 

And then you saw the reflection of your acts in the light of the webcam. _This_ was what she wanted you to see. Carmilla holding you up, bouncing you ardently, up and down on every thick inch, your shirt shoved up above your heaving breasts. You witnessed both of the lewd sights: ankles swinging in front of you, toes curled. Jaw hung open with miserable breaths, face covered in disheveled stray hairs. She was behind you, squeezing her unbreakable grasp of your body, jaw clenched, fangs prodding dangerously at her lips. She held you, spread open.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to see your thousands of fans see this side of you?” she groaned, whispering a few other dirty sweet nothings, while you could only reply _oh god oh god Carmilla fuck please._ Hearing that had you throw your head back to rest against her neck. Voyeurism may have been an exploit that you always hoped to dabble in, and you’d spend all your time doing it if it meant feeling half as good as you were feeling then.

 

And then there was a light knock at the door.

 

You started panicking _hard_ but the excitement only added to your pleasure; it was almost euphoric and so goddamn distracting you could barely react to the situation. The way Carmilla was so unaffected by the visitor at the door, she didn’t slow down for an instance, like she didn’t care at all who tried to break that moment… Like she couldn’t even fathom ceasing in making you feel so good.

 

Pushing her luck, she took a small step forward, “Should I answer like this?” and then you clenched a hard palm on her forearm, warning her with a glare. Carmilla mewled after being reprimanded. Her thrusting stilled, allowing her tiny human the ability to hear her visitor.

 

“Hey Laura? I was just wondering if I left my wallet with you? I can’t find it anywhere…”

 

It was Danny’s voice. Carmilla lifted and pulled out of you before laying you down softly on the bed again, rage and jealously flickering across her beautiful features. Her breathing was picking up, fists clenched at her sides. The sexual tension must have weakened her sarcastic and careless façade. You sat up on your elbows,

 

“Oh, uh, maybe,” you called, voice shaking, eyes not averting from Carmilla’s dark gaze. “Let me take a look—“

 

Before you could finish, Carmilla already huffed down to your bag, rifled through it loudly, and plucked out what must’ve been Danny’s. Did she slip it into your bag for an excuse to stop by later? That must’ve been what Carmilla assumed, because she stalked to the doorway with it, opened the door, and shoved it into Danny’s hands. Not wanting to reveal all of what they were up to, the girls glared at each other through the moderate crack. In reality, she probably wanted to be the one showing the other girl her presence, and to cut off any more possibility of a continuing conversation.

 

“Thanks—“ but Carmilla slammed the door in her face.

 

“Have a good one,” she quipped loudly, already moving back, straight to you. And then she straddled you, kissing you with love and apologies.

 

“That was mean,” you chided, relieved of the sexual control. “You’ll have to say sorry later.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” she agreed with a genuine tone.

 

Then you moved your elbows out from under you to lay back again, “Later,” you whispered.

 

Carmilla must’ve remembered her envy quickly, because she lifted her hips again to probe at your center again, until you enthusiastically agreed to continue.

 

And she was impaling you, shoving to the hilt again, picking up that mindlessly ruthless and unyielding pace. There was no way Danny was at your door and didn’t hear you being relentlessly fucked and claimed. Her rate was so quick, your human body could barely perceive every ministration, but she got faster and harder as those strokes loved your most responsive little spots inside your core; you were pulling her in with _I’m gonna come fuck me I’m gonna come don’t stop oh god_ and then she reached between you to toy with your slick and sensitive folds, sliding roughly over your eager clit and kissing your lips until you were _arching,_ practically screaming, chanting her name to the beat of the headboard slamming against the wall, there was no way a single person on the floor couldn’t hear you lose your mind. At the very peak of your orgasm, Carmilla sank her human-shaped teeth into the flesh of your throat, hard enough to mark, not sharp enough to bleed. It exploded into another, longer, higher apex of indulgence that crashed and crushed you for what seemed like a heavenly eternity.

 

Your mortal heartbeat thrummed and vibrated until it relaxed to a lazy glowing throb. Carmilla’s ear was in the middle of your chest, like she was taking in every pump obsessively.

 

Everything melted back to normal, and in that moment you found yourself stroking her silky black hair as she rested. You realized there was no way you could ever live without Carmilla: her not being around you, not kissing you, holding you, touching you, loving you. No matter what trivial fight would transpire, nothing could keep you apart, even if you wanted it to. You will always love Carmilla with all your heart, and your feminist, independent self only admits inwardly that you’ll always belong to her. You muttered unconvincingly,

 

“I hate you.”

 

Without looking up from her rightfully claimed spot on your chest, full of adoration, she whispered,

 

“I absolutely adore you.”

 

She must have been thinking the same thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls that were given to Lophiiformes start manifesting on the Silas campus. Summer Society takes responsibility of trying to re-educate a dozen centennial sacrificial virgins. But when Elle appears, a rift in their relationship causes Laura to try and make a hasty decision.

“Higher! Higher!”

 

“I can’t go any higher, dork, this is how long my arms are.”

 

“C’mon! I bet I can touch the ceiling! Just… a little…!”

 

“Nope, not even close.”

 

“ _Weakling!_ Useless gay vampire—“

 

You were humoring Laura for a bit while she was laying on your chest by lifting her up by the hips. She was in a playful mood, as usual. You just wanted to cuddle and sleep, but of course she is always finding new ways to exploit your supernatural abilities for entertainment. As she hovered over your body, wriggling and squirming for the ceiling, you lied on your back, arms up offering support, until Laura ran her mouth. You dropped her and let her take the fall, plopping back onto your chest as she shrieked.

 

“Ouch! That hurt!”

 

“My arms got tired.”

 

Laura squinted her eyes, suspicious. “No they didn’t.”

 

You closed your own eyes with an exasperated sigh, arms falling to your sides. “Hush, cupcake. Let’s just be quiet.”

 

But she was propped up on your chest, staring intently. “Carm, we’ve been in bed all day.” Pushing a palm under the hem of her shirt, you smoothed over the expanse of her back, appreciating the warmth. One thing you would never get sick of was Laura’s warmth. It was the only place you felt safety and security: being enveloped by her sweet scent, and pounding heart. Feeling your contact, she relaxed into you a little more.

 

“Will you at least massage me? You’re really good at it. My muscles always feel a lot less sore, and I relax much better. Do you think that if I—“

 

“Alright, alright, I’ll do it,” you give in, running another palm on the other side of her lower back before sliding a generous amount of pressure slowly up her sides. She gave a breath of a moan in appreciation. “You are awfully demanding this morning.” You’re close enough to mutter it in the air you shared.

 

“It’s two thirty,” she breathed shyly. “ _Oh_ , that’s good. There.”

 

“Mmm,” you purred, leaning down to kiss her, “I like how that sounds.”

 

She slighted away, defying you with another sigh. “Focus on your task, vampire.” And then you pulled her up, forcing your lips on hers with an vehement kiss. Continuing your ministrations on her body, she fell into a slow, simmering reciprocation. You worked up to her shoulder blades, trailed your rubbing down her spine, dragged your nails lightly over her lower back…

 

Laura broke the kiss, “I never get tired of how your hands feel on me.” Her voice was broken with emotion and want, and nothing in your centuries of living comes close to the way _Laura Hollis_ falls apart underneath you, on top of you… The way only her smell moves you. When she comes and you’re so, so eternally grateful that in those moments she is only thinking about you and only you. Only you can unlock the unimaginable pleasures of her body. You wondered if Laura would ever really know the gravity of how dedicated you were to ensuring her every happiness, and guaranteeing her satisfaction—most likely for the rest of your eternity.

 

But of course, whenever you were enjoying a blissful heartfelt moment with your girlfriend, the ginger squad has always got to crash it.

 

The shorter of the two dimwits stormed in before the other, slamming the door open and causing Laura to practically jump from her place on top of you.

 

“Laura, Carmilla, you’re not gonna believe this…” they said. But this time out of all times of being interrupted, LaFontaine had a seriously grave expression. By the time the curly-headed one caught up, her face was twisted in horror. The romantic atmosphere broken, the two waited for you to sit up to receive the news. You could hear Laura’s heartbeat thicken.

 

“The _girls!”_ Perry shrieked. “Danny and the Summer sisters have rounded them all up, but… the sacrifices. They… They’ve…”

 

“Some of the Lophiiformes virgins,” they steadied their voice, “They’re coming back. Physically manifesting. Ones from 1822, 1954, all different kinds of time periods.”

 

Your useless dead blood ran cold. Chills ran across your skin, recalling hundreds of different innocent victims you came across in your years as a cruel, merciless henchmen of the all-consuming evil. Laura seemed so shocked; she didn’t even turn to look at you. She wasn’t able to blindly ignore and accept your dark, unforgivable past anymore. Not when she was going to see it herself. The girls came back, and they were going to meet their old murderer again, after the grave.

 

/

 

“Alright, everyone, listen up!”

 

You were never one to have a very big affinity for Danny, but right then, you really did admire her leadership abilities and her motivation to protect sisterhood… No matter what time period the ladies spawn from. Goddamn it, you would have never thought you’d step foot in the Summer Society recreation room, but this was where the some dozen of disoriented-and-recently-revived women were gathered by the sisters. So Danny was up there, standing on a chair, trying to call attention and get some order.

 

You absolutely _forced_ Laura to stay behind and not come assess the situation until you did because, really you didn’t want her to witness your mistakes. It would have been a whole different experience for the both of you and your relationship if she really got the weight of what you’ve done. However, you didn’t mean to shelter her from it forever—you just figured you deserved a bit of the benefit of the doubt, at least for a few hours.

 

“Hello ladies, yes, it’s me, Danny! I’ve met all of you personally already, so you might recognize me. So my friend here, LaFontaine has examined each and every one of you, and it looks like you’re all completely healthy and normal. I’d like to let you know that, yes, it is currently 2014, _not_ 1824 or 1953. Slavery is no longer legal in Austria, or most parts of the world. Racism isn’t cool, and you all now have the right to vote. You might know as much as the fact that your souls have been freed from an eternity of being utilized as energy for an all-powerful god that lives underground.”

 

You sigh, not figuring that this wretched reunification could be so boring. A little hushed whispers and giggles amongst the girls, _Oh, Danny is quite good-looking isn’t she? I’m so glad she was the one to rescue me._ Et cetera.Nauseating.

 

“Oh! You might also recognize the girl beside me, Carmilla Karnstein. Also known as Mircalla, Millarca, or whatever other ridiculously unimaginative anagram she came up with at the time. In a very elaborate paranormal con scheme, she and many other vampires offered up your mortal souls to said god.”

 

You froze up, noticing all the looks of recognition the dozen girls gave you, full of confusion, rage, betrayal… The last things they might have felt were your touch, maybe hearing your voice. You couldn’t help but feel the colossal weight of all the trust you have broken of countless girls, all for your own well-being. Before each one of them was able to approach you and attack you, Danny continued,

 

“Wait, wait—but funny enough, Carmilla is also the one who saved all of you and freed you from the clutches of Lophiiformes!”

 

So the tall, useful ginger kept you from being mauled by twelve vengeful victims.

 

Apparently, each girl was found near the Lustig, naked and shivering, memory completely gone of the time in the light. Students on campus called on the help of the Zetas and Summer Society, while the Zetas dumped the problem onto the sisters, deeming the whole affair a, “lady problem”.

 

After Danny stepped down, some other Summer girls came in to provide more individualized comfort for all the sacrifices. She came up to you,

 

“Listen, you know Summer Society is gonna do everything to assimilate these ladies again but… you really need to figure out your part in all of this.”

 

“Yeah…” you looked down at your feet.

 

“Dead girl. If there’s one thing I know about you, you’re not about to lose to a challenge. And I know you want to do the right thing these days.” She clapped a hand on your shoulder. You still didn’t look up. The tall girl sighed,

 

“Look I also didn’t want to do this to you, so Betty put up one of the girls in the spare room. Go upstairs and you’ll find it: one of them asked for you. She was especially not adapting well so the sisters and I figured we’d give her some time to recuperate on her own for a bit. Well, go on, we don’t need you right now down here.” You looked her in the eye and questioned what any of them could specifically want from you, besides maybe one hundred years of retribution, but how could you deny going up to see for yourself?

 

So you went up the Summer staircase, knowing full well what you were getting yourself into. Even before you rested your hand on that doorknob, you could sense something. It was like, an overwhelming longing. Like the invisible pull of a magnet. The way that cold winter air has a specific lonely scent. Hopelessness. It was so familiar. Your abnormal strength made you crush the knob as you turned out, out of nerves.

 

The soft breeze wafted the smell of dead leaves. The window was open.

 

“Mircalla…”

 

Then dread flooded the inside of you, like a levy finally breaking after an ounce too much of pressure. Your voice was shattered with a sob.

 

“Elle…”

 

The girl turned away from the window, glittering afternoon light making her features glow. Completely untouched by time, just like you, this moment was destined to occur—by fate or any other miserable excuse for a heart-wrenching event. Has history ever seen two old lovers reunited more than a century into the future amid the tension of a possible Armageddon? Not a single touch of spite soiled her sorrowful expression, only lifetimes’ worth of knowledge, remorse and regret. Elle would have wished to be so lucky as to simply die after being sacrificed.

 

She took steps towards you, and the closer you got, the more you felt surrounded by the rambling meadows of the past: those aristocratic, priceless estates that kept you two safe and sheltered in the 1800’s, the century thrown into the future. There were endless streams that twinkled in the sun and in the moonlight, where the trees were home to your first loving embrace. It was the radiantly green field near her father’s stables that you found privacy, and insisted that even if she were wed to some elite, well-bred duke, you would find a way to express your unbreakable devotion forever. Pressed up against each other under the cover of night, you kissed amongst the secrecy of the horses.

 

 And now? Elle was closing her arms around your shoulders, clinging to the only familiar figure of this world. Lightly shedding tears, retaining composure like a lady. It’s because of you that she’s here, you thought, how does one fix this?

 

“I’m so sorry, Mircalla…” Her shaky breaths heaved against your chest. “Oh, heavens, what has become of the world? What vengeful god has taken away my blessing of death? Has He meant for me to wait for you, after all these years? Oh, what does it all mean…”

 

You held tightly: that’s all you know how to do.

 

She went on, “Never for a moment did my love for you waver, my darling… Even when stricken with horror at your clever disguise, no amount of exposing could have made my feelings for you falter. And while trapped in the nothingness, I only saw your next victims—I never stopped thinking of you.”

 

But you could never be distracted from sensing your tiny human, who surprised you by appearing in the doorway. Shying away from your reunifying embrace, you looked down as Laura gaped at your prior positions. She looked stunned, but as if she walked in on something private, that she was not allowed to see.

 

“Laura—“

 

“It’s Elle, isn’t it?” she inquired gently, but sadly.

 

“Yes, it is. I do believe we’ve met before. There was much more blood involved, but well, you know,” Elle smiled.

 

“Right…” Laura took a step back into the hall. “Well, I don’t mean to interrupt. It was nice to see you, Elle.”

 

And then she took off as quickly as she could.

 

/

 

Laura was distraught over your compromising position.

 

Which left you feeling disgusting and completely disappointed in yourself, because no one on the planet could ever compete with your affections for the human (pathetically enough), and you knew in your heart your unwavering loyalty.

 

“Hey, Laura, just wait up a second, alright?”

 

You had been chasing her for about five minutes, but she wouldn’t slow down. You caught the little journalist on her walk to lecture after not finding her at your dorm room. The day before, when she walked in on you two, she fled the scene. Then you stayed in the Summer house with Elle, after the newly reincarnated girl gave enough begging and crying, not wanting to be alone yet again in a strange, unrecognizable world… It was one night, sleeping chastely in separate beds, not pushing for any intimate contact. But it must have broken Laura’s heart even further.

 

“No, Carmilla, just drop it.”

 

Grabbing her wrist, the two of you screeched to a halt. “I’m not gonna just _drop_ it. I want to talk about it.”

 

She snatched her hand away. “Did you kiss her?”

 

You gaped. “ _No,_ no of course not,” pulling her closer on the side of the unbeaten path, Laura put up less of a fight. “Baby, I swear I didn’t. You know I wouldn’t.” Especially after dying for her and a pack of lack-wits, you proved your allegiance. Pleadingly, you pressed kisses all over her cheek and jaw, holding her wrist close to your face, pressing your lips to her knuckles. But she couldn’t look back at you.

 

“I know, I know, it’s just… I just— _She_ really needs you right now, Carm.”

 

And then she was walking off again, shoulders low, wrist dropped to her side.

 

/

 

 

You came by later that night, but the door was locked.

 

 

/

 

 

You respected Laura’s push for space, and her insisting on you coddling Elle into the 21st century. At night it was the worst without her: familiar human warmth was so irreplaceable. Elle still spent her nights in her own separate bed, after asking you question after question about the strange new world. From her light realm she was able to peek through to the other side while in the dreams of other targets, but experiencing life firsthand was a whole new feat.

 

“So this electricity is in every house?”

 

“The hot water comes out of the tap forever?”

 

“You can talk to people through that? How does it come out and go in through the air exactly?”

 

“And your friend, Natalie… Why is she…?”

 

“She’s Asian, Elle,” you sighed. “Korean. You know people from all over the world don’t look the same.”

 

“Yes, but… How did she arrive from—Koraya?”

 

“ _Korea,”_ spelling it out. “It’s 2014, people of many countries and races live all over the world, including Europe. They all get to be treated the same way as you and I now, even though we used to be Countesses.” To be very precise, “That’s a _good_ thing.”

 

“Hmm,” Elle nodded, lost in thought, noting every single fact mentally. “And Laura? Is she a Countess?”

 

You laughed because Laura would just fidget uncomfortably in tight corsets and ball gowns. “No, she’s not a Countess. She’s just Laura.”

 

“Well-bred? What kind of family? Her estate?”

 

“Mmm, well, yeah she’s well-bred, but I don’t really know what her house is like…”

 

Elle gasped, “And you plan on courting this young lady? Not even knowing the condition of—“

 

“That’s right. In this day and age, we don’t have to worry about that stuff. In fact, we don’t have to worry about getting married to a rich man at all.” This had the girl gaping, and you continued. “In fact, in a lot of places nowadays, I can ask Laura to marry me.”

 

“ _Re_ ally?” she was still gawking. “Just as if she were a fiancée? Laura and rich men, they’re equal?”

 

“That’s right. I can kiss her whenever I want.” Then you felt sad, because in that moment, you couldn’t. You remembered the lock on the door. Elle looked at you longingly and knowingly. A sad smile tugged at her lips.

 

“If only we had a chance like that, as young, fresh lovers Mircalla.” She looked down at her fiddling fingers, playing in the frays of the throw blanket’s fabric. “Heavens, I writhe with envy… A new world where I can marry who I desire? Oh how you were so eager to whisk me wherever I’d liked…”

 

Her tears pooled, and it was like that old coffin of yours was creeping up on you again.

 

/

 

Going back to your dorm, you were lost in thought. Elle and you spent the last few days reminiscing about the past, and she was constantly hinting at the new time period of endless possibilities for the two of you. As if not a beat was missed from the late 1800s, Elle was impatient to have you take her to try new exotic foods, and walk along the freezing rivers of Silas. You explained to her all of the supernatural traps your mother had caught hundreds of girls in, and how Laura was the sole cause of the end of the circle of murder.

 

“So you died for her, isn’t that right?”

 

That sentence kept playing in your mind.

 

Laura hadn’t contacted you in those days, and you just wanted to at least sneak in and make sure everything was all right. But you were scared of what she was going to say (more afraid that she was going to force you to leave again). So you thought of turning back the moment you had the building in view.

 

That is, until you saw a silhouette slip inside, most likely without noticing you. Under the cover of darkness, in the quiet stillness of the snowy night, they entered.

 

Adopting the careful light movements of the tactful fiend you are, you followed. The way the person moved did not have the heavy-handedness of a human being. They didn’t move with the conviction and intention that a simple resident would have. Red flags rose in your head—something suspicious was happening. But the truth that you refused to acknowledge until you caught their face in the light of a passing window…

 

He was a vampire.

 

An amateur at best. He couldn’t have sensed you if you were standing right in his path. Vampires can smell each other from a ways away, but you didn’t want to face the idea that maybe not _every_ one of you demons were slain in the battle against the underground Anglerfish god. Only newly converted ones are so terrible at picking up on each other’s proximities. Lucky for you, because you didn’t have to try so hard at masking your presence as you trailed behind, slowly.

 

He climbed the stairs, until he hit the familiar floor, and graced down your own hallway all the way to Laura’s room.

 

But he didn’t give heed to the locked door—he simply twisted the dull knob off of its place and shoved his way in with ease. You followed up behind, but not before hearing Laura’s,

 

“Carmilla, I thought that we—“ and then she screamed.

 

The poor young fool didn’t even have his chance to lunge completely at the human before you swooped inside and snatched the kid by a fistful of hair, slamming his body against the floorboards. Hopefully at this time of night, no one would check out to see if Laura had tipped over a bookcase or something, but the sweet girl didn’t erase that look of horror she had. As if she stared right into the eyes of her painful, unstoppable demise.

 

Yanking his head back so the young, childish vampire could stare you in the eyes, you pressed a tough boot into his crotch. He cried out pathetically. Laura could only look on in silent horror.

 

“To what does the small human owe the pleasure?” you growled out, tightening the fist in his hair. “You know, I always hated our kind for picking on the little ones.”

 

“…M-Mircalla! Mircalla Karnstein!” he gasped out, looking at you like you were the sun, or maybe Death itself.

 

“Explain yourself, or I’ll separate every single bone of yours from the skin.”

 

“I came for the girl.” He kept sputtering in pain, and the more pressure you applied, the more powerful the primal instinct to shred him into little pieces became. “Our whole coven was destroyed by you all…! We were all destroyed, murdered viciously by humans. You betrayed us.”

 

“And you were too scared to face me, so you came for the head human instead?” What if you hadn’t come to the dorm that night? What if you followed a second too late? You quelled your nausea, trying to push out the image of a bloodless, cold corpse of Laura. “The only thing I hate more than humans are cowards.”

 

“ _Me_ the coward?!” he squirmed in anger. “You and that damned Will, you all… And Maman. You were the ones that turned me, and the lot of us. Don’t pretend like you forgot. Raping our village in 1832, you miserable creatures. And then I was forced to live beside you after all these years, just so you could take my next family as well as my first. Oh, Mircalla, how you gained that reputation, just to go soft for one mortal. To act like some type of hero after one magnificent gesture? I’m sure you’re quite satisfied with what you’ve done – stifling evil to become pure. But even malevolence can struggle with malevolence. In God’s eyes, you were left in the hole with that godly monster all the same.”

 

You were stunned, and could not look at Laura while hearing the boy’s confession.

 

“You’re right, I can’t fight you,” he blubbered. “But killing you would have been too easy anyway. Suffering and humiliation is only felt in life, and an eternity with her pathetic human corpse on your hands would have done more of the trick than anything else.”

 

For a few moments you softened, remembering the day you destroyed a certain countryside community with a band of other fiends led by Maman herself. Usually she didn’t bother herself with impertinent situations like raiding a human village, but that day was different. It was purely for fun for her. It was a celebration. On Maman’s birthday, she took her children to feast on 234 living, breathing sacks of blood. A source of entertainment, all that anguish was. And you… Even if you wanted to remember a single victim from that night, there were just too many bodies to recognize anyway.

 

“I know, boy.” You released your grip on him as he crumbled into a sobbing mess. “We’ve lost our family, haven’t we? Maman was the only one who gave us a place in this unending world. I do pity you. You wretched thing. But you know who I am, don’t you? You’ve heard the thousands of men that bent to my will, for me to spare their lives. And I wanted to be different from that since vanquishing the coven, but I know you the same way I know myself. If I were to let you go, still, the only thing driving your sorry existence would be bitterness, loneliness and revenge. You’d be back here, chewing out this girl’s trachea within the hour.”

 

The boy was still sobbing. The boy who was some one hundred and eighty years old. At least you dragged him out from the room, away from Laura, before clipping his head from his shoulders.

 

/

 

After burying him, you came back. Laura’s knees were to her chest as she shook. You slowly crawled beside her.

 

“Laura…” She witnessed you being a monster. After all this time, she could no longer justify who you were by simply ignoring your past, because it was all surfacing at once. “I’m so sorry.”

 

But she threw her arms around you. “Carm… I don’t know what to say…”

 

“I understand that you don’t want to see me anymore.”

 

She looked up, “No, no please not again. We promised each other. You told me—“

“You are my most important person,” you cupped her damp cheeks. “You are my precious treasure.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You are my tiny little human. But… I’ll kill anything that tries to take you away from me. Because I’m a monster. A selfish, murderous devil.”

 

Now you were wrapped up in one another, sighing in comfort, in the numbness after an earthquake. The mistiness of the room sleepily calmed you. It was like mourning.

 

“Carmilla, you saved me. Over and over again.”

 

“I always will.”

 

Her heart throbbing decelerated as she was sinking and melting into you.

 

“How is Elle?”

 

“I don’t care. I don’t care about her. Why do you keep making me pick her? I don’t want Elle: I want you. Why won’t you let me be here? What did I do wrong?” your voice broke.

 

“Because, Carm,” Laura whispered. “I’m just a blip. A nineteen-year-old fool who doesn’t know you the way she does. I saw you waiting all this time to hear from her. I looked at your sad expression every time she came into my dreams and not yours. You are all she has left now. How can I come between that? All the years you were stuck underground, you were thinking of her. All seventy years, right? You started investigating the girl’s disappearances with me because you wanted to know what happened to her… I know that.”

 

You were just so goddamn tired. There was nothing to say. So you just pulled her closer.

 

“Just let me hold you for a little while longer,” you begged. “Don’t turn me out just yet.”

 

/

 

You had to return to the Summer dorms the next day when Laura went to class. Elle was there, fiddling with her new collection of magically alluring new-world devices. Her new favorite thing was batteries. Everything from flashlights to cell phones, remote controls, radios, she couldn’t help but be busied with them all. Betty was lightly read in circuitry, so in her spare time she would come visit the sacrificial girl and explain the brilliant advances she’d missed. Elle did not go to school when she was alive in her own time – not the way ladies do in the modern age. In fact, she was so impressed with the way girls can learn about men’s matters these days. At first it was off-putting, but she grew to be quite satisfied with that fact.

 

Even LaFontaine was particularly invested in helping out with Summer Society’s efforts with readjusting the Lophiiformes victims. They also enjoyed lecturing any of the girls that wanted to know exactly what they wanted to know. Of course for one to understand a battery, you had to know about electricity, the electron, atoms, and soon the list escalated into full lectures that a number of the ladies would sit in on.

 

Danny ran into you on your way upstairs.

 

“So, it looks like a few of the girls are pretty interested in learning, aren’t they?” she asked. You hummed in response. “We’ve been in touch with the administration. I’ve been pushing for them to let them be educated as well.”

 

You gawked. “You mean be _students?_ ” Looking around quickly for any possible witnesses. “These fucking people thought televisions were powered by ghosts about twelve hours ago. You’re gonna have them go around free like that?”

 

“Well what else do you expect?” she hissed. “They’re all alone – an education and degree would mean some real emersion, and some actual mobility in society. A chance at utilizing a really shitty situation that you and your band of freaks put them in about a hundred years ago.”

 

Silence settled.

 

“I know what I did. You have no fucking position to judge me for those things. God, none of you children have any idea what it’s like for anything that isn’t human, but you sure like applying your indiscriminate ethics on us. You know what, I don’t have time to deal with this. I’m trying to do right but I literally just decapitated a vampire, who _I_ turned, last night while trying to save Laura. This shit won’t ever stop. I’m doing my best to put a dent making up for lifetimes of transgressions, but I won’t be put off by some self-assured giant that _gets off_ playing white knight all day.”

 

She stepped up to you, peering down with a dark expression.

 

“Listen to me, dead girl. I’ve been playing nice with you for a while. And you’ve got some good use in you. But I’ll never understand how Laura fell for this ‘misunderstood martyr’ bullshit, and I’ll always see right through you.”

 

You were already storming off, but she caught you, with a small twinge of an apologetic look on her face. “There’s gonna be a small trip with the Lophii girls this weekend. To get away for a little, from the culture-shocking city life. You should show your face.” After not responding, she adds: “Laura will be there.”

 

Laura let you spend the night, and the two of you savored the warmth you shared. For some reason you could not stop kissing each other, as if there was a chance you never would again. In the morning though, she was gone again, without a word.

 

Snatching your hand away, you made your way upstairs.

 

 

/

 

 

“Mircalla! Elizabeth here has taught me all about—oh darling, are you alright?”

 

Betty stood up from her circle of papers and textbooks on the floor. “I’ll go find Danny.” And she exited to give you privacy.

 

“Elle… You were always right all along. I’m doomed to love mortals who can’t tolerate the viciousness of a demon. And here you are, because of me and I just…”

 

“Danielle says I can acquire an education, just like all the other brilliant ladies here. Just like you. Well, she’s trying… For us.”

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

She reached out for your arm with a sad smile. “It’s the only way we can truly… make the most of this situation. Finally! A chance for me to love freely, to learn freely, to move wherever I’d like! But in a world I can hardly understand? I need the resources to adapt. Elizabeth says she’s been thinking of becoming an attorney! I couldn’t even believe my ears! She kisses Danielle in the broad daylight! The two of them wear pants wherever they like, and when obstinate boys impose on them, they are never afraid to stand up for themselves! Do you know my father could have given me the rod for the rest of my life if I didn’t marry to his liking? Mircalla – oh, we finally belong to our _selves!”_

“Yeah. Yes, we finally do.” You looked down. “But it’s not going to be easy for you. You’ve got many years of schooling to catch up on.”

 

“I don’t care,” Elle said with absolute conviction. “The Summer sisters are here to help us. They won’t take us in like babies, but bring us onto our feet and give us the path to save ourselves. When I get to where I need to be, I’ll make sure to consider joining them, sooner or later.”

 

You laughed, hard. “Elle, you? Join a sorority? Oh God, I’m gonna lose my mind. You, washing cars in a Zeta Omega Mu crop top… Have you even ever seen a Toyota?”

 

She looked really confused, but cheered up at the chiming of your laughter. “Stop making fun of me! I don’t understand! I’ll have you know I was versed in Latin in my own time!”

 

But you just laughed and laughed.

 

/

 

On the camping trip, a dozen girls were lined up and were herded by some of the Summer ladies. Hiking around the local Styrian wilderness, the group only ventured into the safe, mapped areas not occupied by the malicious mythical creatures that haunted the deep darkness. Danny was happy to see you there, even though she tried to hide it. Betty took a liking to Elle, and the two got along quite well in their even territory of the forest. Not surrounded by modern technology, Elle was not so intimidated at all, and warmed up even faster to new companions.

 

LaFontaine comforted the girls by playing games and asking about stories of their own time periods. The group was soon brimming with laughter and happiness, nostalgia taking over. But when you arrived, severe side-glances and vengeful whispers of you plagued the nice atmosphere. You took their lives, and you accepted that they would probably never forgive you.

 

Laura did come. With her notepad and Dictaphone, she interviewed all of them one by one, dozens of questions ranging from where they came from, to what being abducted was like. It must have had to do with the Lophiiformes investigation, but there was only so much eavesdropping you could do from across camp.

 

“Just go talk to her. Jeez, you’re like a nervous teenage boy. It’s just Laura,” Laf patted your back.

 

“Yeah, but she can be a little intimidating in her own right sometimes.”

 

“Oh, the big bad spooky vampire is daunted by 153 centimeters of ferocity.”

 

“Don’t think I won’t show you ‘daunting’, kid.”

 

“Yikes.”

 

There was a campfire at night. Some people were showing off their musical prowess with instruments that Summer girls provided on campus. You sat off to the side, watching over things. The books you brought got boring, and really you wanted to be on your toes for any possible situation that could happen. But you were really just watching Laura make her way over to the last victim, turning a page in her notepad. And of course it was Elle. You could overhear just a small bit.

 

“Hello, my name is Laura and I was wondering if—“

“We’ve met before.”

 

You got up and walked off into a clearing, to embrace your loneliness with the stars.

 

/

 

The mystical swirling of the cosmos was always relaxing to you. The stories and folklore always say that vampires live forever, but forever means something different to the stars. There was a beginning to the universe that they were there for. You are considered mortal compared to the godly bodies up there. 334 years is a blip, all the same compared to 19 years. In reality, the stars comforted you in the sense that someday you _must_ be relieved of such a horrible, unending fate. On your back, in that perspective, the stars were the only things in your sight.

 

Until she entered your view, of course.

 

“One would think you’d stop being so predictable, Carm.”

 

You didn’t say anything. She sat next to you.

 

“I interviewed Elle.”

 

Still, you didn’t reply. Laura threw her knee over your hips, to straddle you and take away your attention from outer space and force it onto her.

 

“I’m so sorry. I realized when she was talking about you. All the things you used to do together. How much she really did love you in a time where she couldn’t. And she talked about the things you used to do for her: it all sounds exactly _like_ you, y’know? And—are you even listening to me? Ugh, forget it.” When Laura moved to unmount you, you held onto her hips.

 

“No, keep going. I’m listening.”

 

She calmed, and continued. “I just realized I couldn’t let her have you. As long as I know that you want me too. And I really wanted to be a hero and a bigger person, by letting you two be together after all this time. You know, so you could finally get a happy ending, Carm. I’m not a happy ending. Laf thinks that the Lophii victims are going to be immortal, since time didn’t touch them while they were captured. I’m going to die. Not saying that you wanted to be with me forever or anything, because we didn’t even really talk about that but—“

 

“Sweetheart, you’re babbling.”

 

“Yeah I know, okay. You’re a good guy now, Carm. You protected me, and yeah that vampire guy said all that stuff, but I can’t even bring myself to blame you for that either. Because I love you.”

She leaned down to kiss you soundly, and you wanted to cry. You wanted to embrace her and enjoy the relief. This wasn’t absolving you of guilt, but it was giving you a chance to be happy for once. Even for a little while.

 

And then she whispered in your ear, “I’m gonna prove to you that you want me.”

 

The tone shivered you right down to your core.

 

You brushed you palms up her back under her shirt, to feel more of her warm, beautiful skin and listen to her voice say more and more and more. But she swatted your hands away.

 

“Don’t touch me. I’m touching you. I’m gonna make you feel so good. You’ll never want me to leave your sight again,” she sighed as she ground her hips down on yours, swirling with firm pressure. “You were off staying with another girl, Carm. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

 

Your breath was caught, hearing her say all of these things in that voice, swaying her hips on top of you like that.

 

And then she raised her chest to pull up her shirt, over her head. You could see the ripples of muscle and ribs play across her body as she moved, stretching her arms up over her head. The line of her stomach tightened. Your eyes fixated on the warming blush across the stretch of her bare chest. The swell of her breasts was firm, flitting beautiful shadows of moonlight over her smooth body. Your fangs ached, desperate for a taste of a delicate human girl. After three hundred years, nothing nearly compares to the beauty and refreshment of a young woman.

 

“There are people at camp right nearby,” you blurted in a whisper. But your fingers couldn’t help but lock in the belt loops of her jeans as her palms worked and rested at your belly.

 

“Like you care,” Laura quipped with a sensual tone. She was behaving more worked up than usual, due to the circumstances. Her hands kept pawing at your lower abdomen, “I interviewed all those girls. I know what you did to them. Do you think I’d be fine with a field day with only girls you’ve had sex with?”

 

The way her fingernails scratched at the line of your underwear: you noticed your chest was heaving.

 

“Don’t pretend that you don’t like making good girls do dirty things. Naughty things.” And then she shifted her weight to peel off her bottoms. “I know that’s what you were proud at being best at. You like bringing out that little slut we all want to be, don’t you, Carmilla?”

 

You were going to lose your mind. Your dead heart was pulsing everywhere in your cold body. She leaned forward to shed your pants as well, yet again swatting away your grabby claws. “No, no. I’ll take care of you, okay? You want to see the things you make me do?” Laura disposed of your useless underwear, tossing them to the side. She lowered her glistening lips to your hipbone, placing a chaste kiss there. “Just lay back and relax,” massaging her palms up your bare thighs and stomach, humming near your core.

 

She kissed south. And then closer. But not yet right where you needed her.

 

“Get on with it, cupcake. Show me the slut you are,” your confident voice quivering.

 

“Mmm, not that easily,” she kissed you down there again. “I’m not that kind of girl.”

 

You threw your head back with a hiss in frustration. “You’re gonna do this to me. And then I’m gonna make a certain naïve provincial girl come so fucking hard, all of the past two centuries are gonna hear it.”

 

You wanted to keep trash talking, but she already dragged that perfectly loving, warm tongue up your slit, peeking past your folds to your sensitive center. A shock of sudden pleasure wracked you. After you got over the initial tremor, you looked down at little Laura, down there, enjoying herself inside you. Her eyes closed, she made no rush to quicken her efforts, to your displeasure. But to see her take her time, open-mouthed, French kissing those good little spots… Her glossy hair glittered, and you watched the trunk of her spine sway – she was up on her knees, ass high and shifting back and forth, as if in need for friction. You saw yourself dribble down from her mouth, and her lap it all up eagerly.

 

Then you were lost in the image of Laura down on you – tongue all over you. Her eyes flashed open, sparking a sharp throb in your opening. She moved back, just an inch, tongue lagging behind, out of her mouth, and lazily pulled from your twitching apex. “I like how you taste, Carm,” the girl whined erotically, practically panting. She was torturing you both. “Can you come in my mouth?”

 

You growled audibly, still on your back. Throwing a forearm under your head for support, your other hand slid down and twisted through her sparkling hair, nudging her to continue that friction.

 

“You can ride my tongue; hump my face, Carm. That’s what you make good girls want—“

 

“Yeah, shut up and put that mouth to some better use.”

 

The way your harsh tone battered the middle of her sentence, you could see it drove Laura wild. Her back arched harder, you could see, like it mindlessly craved attention. And then you raised your own hips in invitation until her tongue _dipped_ in there _exactly_ where you needed it, and—

 

“ _Ungh,”_ you gruffed in appreciation, pushing her head down further for more pressure. She whined in excitement as you forced and more, pumping your hips. Guttural moans sounded in the clear forest. Laura closed her eyes and cherished your imposing on her body. “Oh, _fuck._ Fucking—“ when you saw her neck bob as she accepted your come down her throat. Wouldn’t you have liked to see a Summer sister stumble over a pure-hearted one of their own that was making the antagonistic demon feel good on their very own retreat… Wouldn’t you have liked to have seen that giant Amazonian ginger’s face as she spots her crush’s face being fucked.

 

Her head bobbed in time to the aggressive thrusting of your hips, and the hand fisted in her hair at the back of her head. Her squeals increased, muffled by your persistent center shoving up and down her mouth. The loud slipping sounds sang in your ears as you tried not to hurt her, but couldn’t help but fervidly, passionately hump her glorious tongue because, god, it was hitting you _perfectly_ , just right, exactly where you needed it, and the way your tiny, virtuous little human looked as she ravished you down there. You couldn’t stop staring at Laura, clenching her eyes shut as she reached her own fingers to stroke at her own needy folds.

 

Laura’s pounding heartbeat wracked your eardrums. The scent of her carnal need for you wafted, coupled with the scent of yourself on her huffing breath… And you couldn’t help but hear her weak, begging voice chant in your head over and over _come in my face come in my face come in my—_

And then you were. Shivering, throbbing against her insistent tongue. With a loud cry, you tightened your thighs around her head and rode it out, shoulders pressing in the grass. As your hips rose, Laura excitedly used the moment to prod you, and prod and prod, throughout the whole peak, for as long as she could, to make her last ministrations matter. Without relenting, she plunged into your hole wetly, igniting your new internal orgasm that _begged_ to draw in the tip of her tongue as deep as could possibly be. She reached inside and unforgivingly probed as you pleaded, “Laura, _Laura_ , please— _yes, ah, ah…”_ It all crumbled, everywhere, tearing you apart.

 

So you were on your back again, sprawled out like a squashed mess. The stars above you came into focus slowly, and the buzzing in your head quieted. You really don’t need air, but there’s just no getting used to living without it for some reason. The peace of the woods resumes, and the irreplaceable completeness of her beside you returns. This is what perfect feels like. This is what bliss, no matter how ephemeral, is. And no camp-full of girls and ex-girlfriends has ever made you feel even close to the elation that a little 21st century girl has stirred in you.

 

Laura obstructed your view of the stars, and her look of loving glowed. She wiped her mouth and you lightly traced a thumb over her lips, taking in the unfathomable amount of beauty that you would give eternities worshipping.

 

“None of them can have you,” she said, like a child. “They’ll never love you like I do. I’ll let you do what you want with me…”

 

“I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was so long... But I wanted to be real af and depressing but still hot 
> 
> follow me at antigirlfriend.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? I know it was all over the place but I really like strap on!Carmilla I dont know vampires are strong and hot and I also really like sad!Danny I'm a sadist but I really do like her. Comment, maybe I will write about another breakup-makeup 
> 
> Happy New Year!
> 
> I'm at antigirlfriend.tumblr.com


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